Fools Die On Friday

December 1, 2022
A questionable client determined to prevent her uncle's poisoning provokes another ebullient dash down Memory Lane with Los Angeles private eyes Bertha Cool and Donald Lam. The case, first published in 1947 under the pseudonym A.A. Fair, begins as Beatrice Ballwin tells the partners she's convinced that her uncle, hard-driving real estate developer Gerald Ballwin, is at serious risk for being poisoned, presumably by his socialite second wife, Daphne. She forks over a generous retainer Donald sniffs at after she leaves because he doesn't think she's really Beatrice Ballwin at all. Inspired by his customary inventiveness, he calls on Daphne himself and promises her lavish exposure to a wave of publicity among the younger set (hint, hint) if she'll only endorse Zesty-Paste anchovy paste, of which he provides her a hearty supply. Donald figures that Daphne's appetite for exposure will put any plans for murder she has on hold. This perfect strategy backfires when both Gerald and Daphne are fed arsenic in their servings of Zesty-Paste. Sgt. Frank Sellers, of LAPD Homicide, thinks the most likely suspects are Carl Keetley, the brother of Gerald's late first wife, a gambler and sometime real estate salesman; the false Beatrice Ballwin, who's actually Daphne's secretary, Carlotta Hanford; and Donald himself. Undismayed, Donald ropes Gerald's dentist, Dr. George L. Quay, and his nurse, Ruth Otis, into the suspect pool and, just when things look darkest, assures Sellers, "Work with me two hours and we'll have this case solved." Well, sort of, since, in Gardner's inimitably brash manner, justice is not so much served as given the finger. Not a great mystery, but great fun as long as you avoid that Zesty-Paste.

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