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November 15, 2023
The uncensored story of an open marriage. "My husband gets into the car, leaving me with my boyfriend," Winter writes near the end of her memoir. "Who would believe my description of this scene?" As the subtitle makes clear, the book is all about her open marriage, including its tawdry details, jealousies, compounded jealousies, and trips to a therapist (and a couples' therapist). The author and her husband, Stewart, decided on an open marriage almost on a lark: She met someone cute at a bar, and Stewart encouraged her to go out with him--as long as she told him all the sexy details afterward. Things quickly escalated. In many ways, this is a brave book. Winter doesn't try to make herself or her behavior look better in hindsight, and she never hides from complicated feelings. (Her wise therapist plays a starring role, and she deserves a standing ovation.) But the book isn't exactly as emotionally honest as it's advertised to be, especially in the first half. The author has a difficult time articulating why the idea of an open marriage appealed to her in the first place, and she doesn't adequately explore other areas, especially related to her resentments against her husband. Winter also has a tendency to overwrite in places that don't need it, so there can be too many adjectives, metaphors, or similes clogging the prose: "My throat dries up, as if I've swallowed sawdust. I'm unable to produce sound." The narrative improves in the second half, in which Winter describes how she learned to prioritize her own pleasure, a valuable lesson. A subplot involving her mother's open marriage--a phrase her mother never uses--is moving, and Winter describes it with patience and care. An uneven but mostly engaging book that frankly takes on sex, jealousy, pleasure, and self-discovery.

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Starred review from December 1, 2023

Winter shares her and her husband's deeply personal, candid story about deciding to make their relationship non-monogamous. She describes their marriage as a roller coaster of emotions that follows the ebb and flow of new partners, breakups, and changes in their lives. Their marriage comes to exemplify the most important elements in any relationship: communication, love, and respect. This memoir reads like a novel narrated in the first person--impossible to put down and sometimes sexually explicit. What will really captivate readers, however, is Winter's journey of introspection, a quest to understand herself and her needs and to find self-love and self-acceptance. Through her easily accessible, quickly devoured narrative, readers become something like confidants to Winter, rather than voyeurs. VERDICT An honest look at how an open marriage can work, an excellent read for people interested in self-discovery or ethical non-monogamy. Recommended for readers of Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy's The Ethical Slut and Eve Rickert and Franklin Veaux's More Than Two.--Katy Duperry

Copyright 2023 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

January 29, 2024
Essayist and musician Winter wrestles with provocative questions of desire and self-discovery in her intimate debut account of navigating marital nonmonogamy. After meeting an attractive younger man named Matt at a bar near her home in Brooklyn, Winter mentioned the encounter to her husband, Stewart, who—true to a promise he’d made years ago, before the couple was engaged—encouraged her to pursue the connection further. From there, Winter and Stewart laid the groundwork for an open marriage that allowed both to date other people, with rules about sex and communication in place to ensure “nobody hurt”—most of which they eventually broke. Winter catalogs her sexual encounters, her and Stewart’s trips to couples therapy, the ever-shifting boundaries of their arrangement, and their awkward conversations with others about it, including, most memorably, their 13-year-old son. She writes about the benefits of the situation (“When I know I’ll see Matt soon, I’m more patient with the kids, more eager to have sex with Stewart”) as often as its complications (“On the one hand, if Stew is dating lots of women, he’s unlikely to fall in love with any one of them. But on the other hand, I’m jealous of how easy it all seems for him”). It adds up to an illuminating and balanced account of a nontraditional relationship. For those curious about polyamory, this is a spicy, stimulating treat. Agent: Sam Hiyate, Rights Factory.