I Cannot Control Everything Forever

March 1, 2024
An educator and author chronicles "several pregnancies and my daughter's first four years." In her late 30s, Bloom gave birth to a daughter who was congenitally deaf and, at 13 months, diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. The much longed-for child was the result of the author's fourth pregnancy. The first had ended in an early miscarriage; the second, a miscarriage at 13 weeks. Bloom terminated the third after prenatal testing determined that the fetus carried the gene for a devastating degenerative condition. In her affecting debut memoir, Bloom chronicles her experiences of pregnancy, childbirth, and child care, focusing on the technological interventions and assessments that provide information, present hard choices, and offer the illusion of control. She also explores the history of pregnancy tests, ultrasound technology, gene editing, in vitro fertilization, and diabetes diagnosis and treatment, including the glucose monitor and insulin pump that her daughter continuously wears. Technical advances are both astonishing and, ultimately, limited. "Pregnancy tests and ultrasounds," she writes, "are not entirely dissimilar to works of art, in that all are crafted by people to reveal something about reality." Overwhelmed by the "cascade of devices that save me and bury me," Bloom has sought enlightenment through art of all mediums, from literature to painting. She was particularly struck by Louise Bourgeois' painting I Go to Pieces: My Inner Life, on which Bourgeois embroidered the sentence, "I cannot control everything forever." Genetic testing had confirmed that her daughter did not carry the feared degenerative disease. As for diabetes, medicine could not explain why it appeared in so young a child. Bloom is candid about the stress of caring for a child with special needs: With her husband working toward tenure, she gave up her job, devoting herself to her daughter's constant care. Thoughtful reflections on technology and humanity amid difficult parenting experiences.

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April 1, 2024

Bloom (literature, Sarah Lawrence Coll.; The Wireless Past: Anglo-Irish Writers and the BBC, 1931-1968) shares her journey into and through motherhood, with candid conversations about IVF, preimplantation genetic diagnosis, gene editing, and pregnancy tests. She frames each section with the history and background of the procedure, science, or philosophy it focuses on. She peppers imagery from Greek mythology, literature, and science throughout the narrative, giving readers context with which to navigate the competing mantras that bombard many parents of today. Part of Bloom's story takes place during the start of the COVID pandemic, when her family's stress levels were, relatably, high. A moving part of the book is when Bloom describes the joy of having a daughter and then the numerous medical appointments that arose from her child's dual diagnoses of congenital deafness and type I diabetes. VERDICT This memoir's intellectual, grounded tone enables readers to go along with the author as she explores the joy and despondency that coexist within modern parenting, plus the sheer exhaustion and helplessness of advocating for someone (in this case, one's child) who can't yet advocate for themselves. A perfect fit for fans of Dani Shapiro's work.--Tina Panik

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